Silence. Absolute silence. That was the sound of the room right before someone coughed and carefully thought-out, “don't make yourself a target” questions began to be asked. The press representative for the Vectinia planetary government has just announced the sudden death of the Vectinian Prime Minister by falling out of a window. A new world leader had been installed in an emergency session the night before, one Tanton Larray, a, eh, “controversial” politician with numerous ties to the infamous Zann Consortium.

“Has the Zann Consortium taken back Vectinia?” “Are the Dread pirates taking over the Zann Consortium?” “Will this affect the forced labor industry, Vectinia's largest export?” “Does this have anything to do with the Vectinian shockball team's recent jersey color change to orange?”

In the end, the questions of who took over whom were irrelevant. That's because everyone is Zann, and Zann is everyone. So this news broadcast is for you and about you. I am your host, Dekard Thorpe, and this is Plunder and Blunder Tonight.

A long time ago, in a system six days in hyperspace away... there was an alliance, the Shadow Dominion. Many powers made up this alliance, including the above-mentioned Zann Consortium and Dread pirates. Other major forces in this conglomerate included Erythium Pirates, the Crimson Dawn, now known as the Divine Commonwealth, and the Eternal Empire, formerly known as the Son Tuul Pride. Jeez, these name changes really have to stop. Everything seems to be going well in this Shadow Alliance. Battles were fought. Ships were podded. Loot was looted. Tax write-offs were plentiful. The Galaxy seems to be going right for this merry band of bandits, but alas, it was not to last. Now the Shadow Dominion is a “Shadow” of its former self. Where have they gone? As soon as the Rebel tech and mountains of credits were divided, they vanished faster than my girlfriend when she ran off with Chad, the Nova merchant. I loved you, Francois! Anyway, back to the story. It seems like all the major players have taken their bulging bags of credits and split. But one group appears to have been a little too hasty in their departure. What secrets were left behind in the dark caverns of Ord Vaxal? We go now to our reporter on the scene, Ricky FleeceBottum.

(An Ewok appears on the screen.)

“Ricky!? Can you hear us, Ricky?”

(Ricky is talking, but there is no sound.)

“Ah, I think he is muted... someone, turn his mic on.”

(A hand reaches from off scene and flips a switch on the mic.)

“Can you hear me now? OK, I am on the scene! We are outside in the vaults that were previously filled. It appears that the Eternal Empire had numerous warehouses of valuable items, including thousands of armor sets, RPS-6 rockets, Bowcasters, Elbs, and more. These weapon and armor caches are being looted as we speak, as well as numerous recovered Zann artifacts, ancient lightsaber parts, and priceless beskar ingots. From what I can see, the only things that were left behind were buckets of Rebel friendship tokens, which are generally known to be two-sided and worthless. One would think that this treasure trove would be secure under better lock and key. Our reports indicate that Zann slicers accessed the door locks fairly easily, as the code was ‘1234notpassword.’”

“Wow, Ricky, that is incredibly dumb! With all those Defiler guns-for-hire around, how were you able to get the scoop on this story and live to tell the tale?”

“Well, Dekard, it's easier than you would think. All I had to do was give up a rival Ryll dealer and show them my recently obtained Zann butt tattoo. (Ricky turns to show the camera) They had no problem granting me entrance and answering a few of my questions. I also may or may not have slipped someone a bag of these shiny rocks I got at the souvenir shop in Corellia, which in turn got me this interview.”

(Ricky stands next to a cloaked Mandalorian, wearing battered, red heavy armor covered in painted clan and cult sigils. Cybernetic gears whine as augmented eyes shine through his visor and lock onto the dumpy little reporter. A bag of rocks hangs from his belt.)

“Uhh… just a few questions for our viewers back home. Why is Zann making moves against a former Shadow Dominion member?”

“You wanna know what the Eternal Empire's calling their recent identity crisis? ‘Turning over a new leaf.’ Cute. I call it what it is — they got their teeth kicked down their throats one battle too many, and now they're crawling to the table with their palms out, begging for shinier toys and a discount on their own funeral. Half-measures. Peace talks. Diplomacy dressed up to hide the smell of cowardice underneath. That's not Zann. That's not the war with tyrants that Ximaro started, nor the one I swore to finish with blaster in my hands and the blood of enemies beneath my boots.

And Bork — Bork Shalas lost his spine somewhere out in the black, and instead of owning it, he just wandered off from everything we've built. Quietest exit I ever saw. No blaze, no fight, no last stand — just shit his britches and left. Didn't even have the decency to make it interesting.

The Zann Consortium will do what it's always done: whatever the hell we want, whenever we want it. And to every treaty-signing, rule-writing coward looking to slap a leash on us and call it peace — that's not progress, that's control with better lighting. Damn them and damn their newfound ‘morality.’ Nobody's fooled, and we'll be the ones laughing when it all comes apart, right before we take what's left.”

(The Defiler turns back to the loading as some slaves try to stuff a pallet of alpha charges into a personal hatch.)

“Get back to your ship, Ewok, before I find a step-stool in need of a fur coat.”

(Ricky smiles back at the camera)

“Well, Dekard, guess that's my cue. I'll send it back to you.”

“Thanks, Ricky, probably best to get out of the sector; our insurance can't handle losing a third reporter this month.”

“Thanks for tuning in this evening, folks. Look for our future broadcasts, your trusted source of pirate news.”